How does it start?

This is my beautiful #4. My baby, but not a baby anymore. she's half way done with preschool! when i was pregnant with her i didn't the first trimester in shock and denial. we weren't having anymore children and were waiting for the new year to make that a permanent decision. My second trimester i spent living the opportunity to be pregnant again. i felt good and was a lot surprised that i didn't want this to be my last baby. there was another special spirit to join our family.  i thought My hubby would put his foot down, by he seemed excited too.
then at 8 month pregnant i was hospitalized with heart palpitations. We would have called it a fluke, that i was just dehydrated, but it wasn't the first time.  Four days after #3 was born i was rushed to the ER for the same reason.
We counted or blessings, 3 and soon to be 4 of them. Our hands and our hearts were full. We didn't feel another pregnancy would be worth the risk.

Kids grew and about the time my baby turned three, the baby hunger set in. I pushed it aside, it's normal to miss the baby phase of your life, especially when you've looked forward to it since you were young. But then one day I closed my eyes and I felt a baby in my arms and I saw a baby of another ethnicity. I began to SEE adoption all around me.  I took note of the people in my life who had been adopted or who had adopted and I began to meet new people who had adopted. They shared their stories with me and my mind and my heart began to slowly open to the idea of adoption. Most of these experiences came over the summer of 2014. Wow, I've got to reference a few just because I'm blown away right now by all of them.
-I was a scout leader and met Katie when she became the other leader. She adopted two beautiful boys.
-In HypnoBirthing Educator training, a young mother told me her story of adopting two babies from Africa
-One of my best and oldest friends was adopted
-Another best friends mom was adopted from Korea. She is the only other person in the world, besides my own mom, that I have called mom.
- The one that I've never stopped thinking about since I met her, who's impact is like a sledge hammer and I don't even know why- Gods messenger in the next post.
-Another friend who adopted the most beautiful African American girl (is that politically correct? ) through domestic adoption.
-My good friend and close neighbor, who recently found her biological dad!

A talk in church touched me deeply- EVERYONE NEEDS A FAMILY
The speaker had worked as an advocate in the court system for children. He talked of how children who had remained in the foster care system and never been adopted would go back to their families, NO MATTER WHAT THAT FAMILY HAD DONE TO THEM. Even if the child was adopted at 17 or 18 it changed their life. Now, every beautiful face I see on adoption websites I think- Everyone needs a family. . . . you need a family. . .. . . are we your family?